Hello Everyone. So, Chris and Aaron just finished celebrating their 5th anniversary of the Let’s Get Hot! live comedy show in Toronto, Canada. it was a blast and everyone there said really nice things and HAD really nice things just tucked under their little summer clothes there. Chris and Aaron found time before the show to reflect on their stupid past and write down some of the advice they thought they could give to any young comedy variety show hosts or co-hosts out there who are thinking about getting into the awful biz.
Here’s what the boys had to say:
Never bring your girlfriend on stage with you when doing a bit with your co-host. She will become jealous of your close relationship that only you two truly understand and she will throw a fit.
If you see a guy in the audience with a gun, remember, he becomes top
priority, not the show.
Make sure the zipper on your pants is done up at all times. You never want the audience to catch a glimpse of your unkempt vagina.
If you get nervous, just imagine the audience is all in their
underwear being led into a meatgrinder.
Always keep your lucky charm on you when you perform. It really works. I’ve been successful at hosting a show ever since I started keeping my lucky throw pillow tucked into the front of my shirt.
If you take off all your clothes right before going on, it will not
make you invisible when you step on the stage and wiggle around on the
floor in pure bliss. Everybody will see you and you’ll have to move
to a new city about 9 years ago.
One of the best ways to come up with jokes that no one has ever told before is to meditate. This is not a joke. Meditating is the best way to centre yourself and find that focus you need to create that really good absurd joke. Especially if you’re getting a blowjob at the same time. Then it’s the best.
If a comedian is choking to death on a piece of food, don’t give him
the heimlich because you and I both know what it’s going to look like
you’re doing to him.
A great pre-show meal before a show to give you good energy is something with a lot of protein. A lot of the times before a show I eat a bowl of macaroni and cheese with meatballs and i chase it down with a 2 liter bottle of Orange pop. you know, something like that.
If you don’t think the show is going to be that good, blow your head off.
Always steer away from booking acts with names like, “The Human Salmon.” and, “Angry Man.”
When you first start up your show, don’t tell everybody you’re 118
years old because 5 years later you’ll supposedly be 123 years old,
making you the oldest recorded human being in history which will draw
suspicion to your lie.
Try not to stare at all the pleasantly plump aristocratic women in the front row with their cleavage popping out of their dresses. They will notice and become infuriated. You’ll never get an opportunity to soar over Paris in a hot air balloon.
After a show don’t hang around the bar waiting for girls to buy you
drinks, because waiting quickly turns into begging and then the
begging gets videotaped and put on youtube and the youtube video gets
2.5 million hits and all the comments are about what a retarted foggat
you are.
Comments (0) 
